The surgeons office called and left me a message, and said I need to call them back and let them know what days would not work for me to have the fistula surgery. I was kind of thinking nothing looks good monday through friday. So, I didn't call them back.
I am not really sure why I am so hesitant to just DO THIS ALREADY!!! I suppose it could be that once I have this done, and have that less then attractive scar/vein thingy it will be really obvious to everyone (me?) that I am a sick person. Up until now, I have been able to get away with people just thinking I am a hag, and thats why I look like I do. Just kidding..lol. I crack myself up as I write sometimes. No, once they merge that artery and vein together (which is exactly what they do in fistula surgery) it will be really clear that something is up.
I am not scared of surgery, as I have had plenty of them in my less then healthy life. None of my kids had the decency to be born right. Three c-sections later, and my gut looks like a highway to hell! (Sorry, heard that song on the radio awhile ago..it is still stuck with me ...). Plus, I have had nose surgery from a less then glamorous departure from a horse, stomach surgery from a weird cyst that had the nerve to grow willie nillie in my stomach, and ankle surgery from having the flatest feet God ever gave a gal. So I am certainly NOT scared of being operated on.
I am a bit disappointed that my two back up careers, (should this writing thing fail me), would be out however. I am pretty sure being a professional arm wrestler, and/or a shoulder bag model would not be a good choice for me, even with the smaller incision the GOOD DOCTOR is promising me. So..whats the deal Lucille? Why the PRO-CRAS-TIN-A-TION? (such a long word, who knew?)
Maybe it is just Yankee Stubborness. Maybe I'm waiting for DE-VINE intervention..Maybe DE-VINE intervention is all that has kept me going this long. The many doctors I have seen have all told me they don't know how I have managed to go so long without those darn wheels coming off that bus. Rumor has it only 15 percent of my kidneys (both together, not each..)are working. It is probably a freaking miracle I have to go to the bathroom at all, mens room OR ladies!
But there..in the back of my mind..is that number..5.4. Crap. I guess tomorrow I will just do it. Pick a day, any day. I will ponder/pray tonight...see if I get any "hint" of what will work for me. I could always pick a day based on my horoscope..but then..I am not sure the Portland Press Herald is that good...The way my life is, I would be better off looking for a sign in the comic section. I will consult the funnies and let the doctor know a day tomorrow..No, Really! I Will!
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