Still amazing ? annoying? amusing? frustrating? the Doctors...

  

Napping with all my pals

Just back from my bi-monthly visit with my Nephrologist, or should I say Dr Doom. I should be thankful in some small way I guess, as last time I saw him, he said "Lets not bother doing any lab work. It will just be terrible and make us feel bad." Oh, and then my favorite line of all.."In ten years, there is a good chance you may not be here, or you will be in bad shape", said in response to me saying I often forget a certain pill. This time, he only said..."well, you are still able to hold your hands out without your fingers closing up, so I guess we keep on going the way we are."
     Ever heard of such a weird thing?  I hadn't myself. Apparently when you have "end stage kidney failure", which I do,  at some point when you hold your arms out and have your fingers in a "patty cake" position, you will be unable to keep your fingers from bending in a "wave" or twitch type thing. It is caused by a build up of toxins in your system that are no longer being filtered out by your kidneys. My fingers, THANK GOD, are still straight as an arrow and show no signs of folding over, waving or even giving him the finger.
      I suppose it isn't his fault because as they say.."don't shoot the messenger." I just hate going in to see him and coming out depressed. My creatnine number is monumentally high, at 8.3. Apparently it is supposed to be less then 1 in a normal adult female. I already know this is not great, since I am far from normal. Also, I am not a first time patient here. I have had ailments all my life. I walk into the lab and blood automatically shoots out of my arm in surrender. It is like on the show "Cheers"...Instead of a bar, I can walk into any hospital and people know my name. "CARM!!!" they yell, as I slide into my booth for check in. If only they would serve me a beer while I sit there...
       So, now my appointments are pretty straight forward. My kidneys suck. The end. WHOA NELLIE!! Not so fast there, Doc! I am fighting dialysis tooth and nail, (well..not much for nails, but I gots teeth.........) Contrary to what you think I probably should be doing, I am still holding out. The doctors in that office (and I have seen them all in the 10 years I have had this disease) have all lost bets on how soon I would be starting THE BIG D. I am not going down without a fight. Once you start dialysis, it is every other day. Forever and ever. Or until you are 'lucky' enough to get a donated kidney. That can be a mighty long wait.
          So I am holding out until the fat lady sings...Which is right now. Ahem...my new anthem...

    Sing to the tune of "Where o where are you tonight?" A la        Hee Haw...

         Ive been to this doctor
          now many times over,
         you'd think he would treat me,
         like one of his kin
       
         He just wants to weigh me,
         and that makes me ugly,
         I told him "take a hike"
         and kicked hard at his shin

         Why o why are you my doc?
          why do I wave my hands in the air?
          I searched the world over
          and thought I'd found a good one
          You make me crazy and
           BLEEP, now I'm  gone!

       ...Until June. Then I'm back. In the meantime, if you see me driving downtown and I wave at you, keep an eye on my fingers. They will be nice and straight.